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I know it is strange, to share those little secrets with strangers on internet. But Dear, life sometimes is just too hard.
　　You thought love is everything at first, right? Especially when he finally got back to you, how happy you were. And you thought you can give him happiness, too. But now you just begin to face the reality, how can love survive without money?
　　
　　When you are on the bus, and look out from the bus window, you look so sad, of course, I understand you. You want to have a house like a lot of other people, and you don’t want to get in that crowded bus everyday…You want to go abroad to travel if you have that opportunity…you want to have a sweet husband, and you want have a happy family…Or simple as thist, you want a security feeling, you want someone takes good care of you….Yes, I understand you too well, one word, you want to have a better life, a better life than you had, a better life than the one you are having.
　　
　　So even you think maybe he really loves you, you still not sure he is the one yet. You are worried about your future. What if he does not love you anymore? What if money is a matter someday? What if you regret the decision you made in future?
　　
　　You told all your friends, he is your first lover, you can not just let him go. How can you, Dear? You were a good student, but you were not a happy child, and it was always difficult for you to let other people to get the chance to understand you, but for him, you are just a little girl in his eyes, he think you are lovely, he think you can be a good wife to him,. One word, he just know how to please you, easy for him, right? He is 31, and you are not 24 yet. You can not be so happy with him, you knew life without money is tough since you were a kid, and you always knew how poor people’s life is..Now you are scared, right? “What if my kid has to suffer all these over again because I married a poor man?” And you are trying to be brave by saying to people, " I want to fell in love like kids, i don’t want any pressure", but in your heart, you understand too well, you can not…how sadly it sounds…You can escape the reality right now, but not forever.
　　
　　When he says he loves you, you feel happy, and you want him be happy because of you..You had a good time with him, you don’t want to hurt him….But when you realize you are not living in 70th or 80th , you feel sad, you even don’t know how to telll him your real thought, your real dreams…more money, a good house, a nice car, travelling, better education etc….How can you depend on him? Love and reality can not be balanced, that is why you are not happy. Can not you forget him and start over? At least, try your best to persuit your dreams….You just can not simply let him go, let him get out of your life, your memory, can you?
　　
　　Willam says you are a fighter, but you understand you are not as good as he thinks. Ray says you need to choose for your own life, you understand but you also understand you don’t know how. C says, sometimes you just need to do what you want to do, I know you are confused…. …Once again,.Life is tough sometimes right? People has different opinions, but you gotta to know, you are the one decide for yourself.
　　So dear me, please be brave, wish you more luck, wish you more happiness.
　　
　　
　　
　　
　　Mo
　　7/16/2010